spending money

Tis the season to shop until you drop. ugg. It's so nice to see a family member or friend's face when they open a gift from you.. but you end up spending a fortune on everybody. This year we have 13 people to shop for for Christmas gifts and 6 December babies for birthday gifts. All in total equals mega bucks. Now I'm not totally selfish but I always shop in the stores and think- hmmm that looks nice , or I want that. sometimes I buy the stuff I see for me.

Part of my illness is that when I am in a super good mood I tend to spend spend spend. And sometimes when I'm in a bad mood I spend to feel better. its like a vicious circle. I bought several things in November and December that I definitely DON'T need!!

Sure some say well Erin you deserve it. Do I? really? A designer brand wallet over 150? A set of shower gels for 75? and day planner for an amount im not even going to share. Some choices are poor. I returned clothes I bought online. They were nice but not worth the money. So that's how I rationalized the day planner. because I returned the clothes then I can afford the planner.

I really should donate more things. But a good friend of mine told me I deserve everything God blesses me with. So I will continue to do what I do daily and thank God for everything. all day I do this and it really helps!!

thanksgiving thanks

Happy Thanksgiving ! Today is a day to give thanks. I have a huge amount to be thankful for. Should I list it?? Of course my family and friends. I have made family with a large group of people and I really love every single one of them. I also have every blessed material object a girl could ask for. And for that I am not only thankful but I feel spoiled for it.
 God is so wonderful ya know?! He gives us all we need and then some. If only we listen to him and serve him.
I could use my time and volunteer at a shelter but eh.. I don't know.
I guess the best is to keep giving thanks to God and stay humble.

a long break

So if you had been following my blogs you would know that I went off the map. It all started because the new medicine I was taking made me even more groggy than the other meds. Which I didn't imagine was even possible as I was struggling to wake up with the old meds. Lately, knock on wood, I've been getting up super early like today for example, 8 am! Last Sunday it was 7:30am! My husband was shocked. The medicine has been a Godsend. It has totally done a 360 on my life. I never knew what happy was and how depressed I was until I got on it. Really! No wonder I laid in bed for hours not wanting to get out--- I was depressed.. duh, why didn't I think of that??!!
So know that I'm no longer depressed I'm such a changed woman. I am super talkative and friendly with friend, family or strangers! I only have about a tenth of the worries I use to have. I'm still not drinking and don't desire to most of the time. This is ground breaking for me.

I want to discuss selfishness and humility for a moment.

So over the weekend I went Christmas and birthday shopping at the mall and also online shopping. I got everyone done except 2. I had 12 gifts and 12 stocking stuffers as well as 6 birthdays! But here's the thing-- no matter what store I went into I found something or somethings I would want for myself. I had to use serious self-discipline to deter myself from buying for me not another. This leads me to the topic of selfishness... I get so bothered when I think of how much I have and how I don't need anything. In fact I Should probably donate a lot. For example: I have been tracking what I wear. I haven't repeated an outfit since September. No grated I bought all my clothes a thrift shop that puts things into perspective. But still, I feel overwhelmed. I have an iPad, designer sunglasses, a HUGE collection of purses, you name it I probably have it. So why when shopping for holidays did I want almost 1 thing in every store I went into?! Am I greedy, or is this normal? My trainer was like well it's your money you earned it if you wanna spend on yourself why. Well he would be right if I didn't drop over 150 on a wallet a few weeks ago. Shopping is like a drug for me, it feels so good that I can't resist buying stuff.

But on another hand I am very humble. I volunteer my time and services. I donate clothes that I don't wear or fit in. I need to just not beat myself up and be thankful to God for all that I have and all he has given me.

gratitude

So if anything else in this world its to be thankful. Although we have challenges aka problems we still need to put value on our life. In the worst or best of times one thing needs to stay consistent and that is gratitude.

grat·i·tude

ˈɡradəˌt(y)o͞od/

noun

noun: gratitude

1. the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.

 

 

 

 

I pray every night- thank you God for all you have given me today. I want to get in the habit of praying and being thankful every morning too!

 

 

  Here's a great website all about gratitude:

http://www.unstuck.com/gratitude.html

 

Here's an example situation from that website

 

When you find yourself
in a bad situation ask:
What can I learn? When
I look back on this, without emotion, what will I be grateful for?

 

 

here is a site with 3 apps you can download

 

http://happytapper.com/

 

I keep a gratitude journal. It should be done daily if possible. I admit I forget to make an entry frequently. But if you can make a habit out of it you will realize there is more to life that we know it.

 

An entry could go something like this:

I am grateful for:

 

- getting out of bed

- this yummy white mocha drink

-the weather is practically perfect

- being able to sit outside and blog

-my family is healthy

-I have the freedom to do what I want daily

my furry daughters

 

OK I'm sure you get the idea.

 

lastly:

 

Today's drink: White Mocha Raspberry