desire

How can one sit around desiring something so strong so much and do nothing about it?

I guess its easy when the desired goal requires exercise. Many people struggle with exercising to lose weight. It's not easy to keep that goal. Mostly because unless you're doing some sort of dancing or other creative form of exercise (at least for me personally) then it is dull and boring.

Most of weight loss truly is based on what you eat. I don't recall the percentage but I think its like 70% diet and 30% exercise. not sure don't hold me to that. There are so many days that I just want to stop eating in general and survive on drinking Gatorade and idk... maybe coffee. but I can't. my body screams for nutrition. rightfully so! I can't starve myself. it's just not healthy at all. Me, when I skip a meal I get a headache. The headache becomes a migraine and that is the end. I'm stuck in bed.

So I'm at a loss what to do. I'm going to keep following the 21 day fix program. Starting back on it Monday. It really helped my before. But this time I have to follow the exercise regimen.

I desire weight loss. I desire feeling good about the way I look. I desire to eat healthy from now on.

I desire a healthy lifestyle

overwhelmed

ok so already I am feeling overwhelmed. I just listed on facbook all of the wonderful thinks I have in my life that I'm currently doing. I'll list them here again.


 art journal, day planner, composition book of various art, gratitude diary, quote/affirmation log book. I'm also working on a watercolor painting for my dad, a Suzi Blu workshop which is including teaching myself how to draw faces! and lastly I'd like to start drawing a giraffe to eventually paint in acrylic. 
I also want to paint the NYC skyline for Ruben for Christmas and paint Kingsley for Stacey. I also want to make this Dylusions Journal the way that Suzi has hers. which will probably take me a life time!! The photo here is the cover of her journal. it's so pretty! I want to be able to do that.
So.. Just my artistic/ creative endeavors alone get me overwhelmed. So imagine adding more to my plate? there is more .. there are cooking, cleaning, volunteering, meetings, gym/exercise..
Imagine if I had kids?! oh my that would be insane. take like 70% of all of this an throw it out the window.
So breath... have gratitude.. keep doing what I'm doing ... and drink more water!

remembering......

Over the past couple of days I have been thinking of my Memere and Pepere a LOT! For whatever reason they have both been on my mind. Usually it's one or the other. The triggers have been anything from certain smells to the fact that my nephew was just born on their wedding anniversary. I can't preach enough how much they meant to me in my life. Unfortunately we are not here forever. I use to tell my Memere, Please live until 112. She'd always reply to me , Erin I don't think I'd like that, my bones would ache! I have to just be satisfied with what she did teach me while she was on this Earth. And boy she sure taught me enough!

As far as Pepere goes.. Memere died many years before 'Pepere and I would think , man I wish I was as close with Pepere as I was with Memere. and low and behold I ended up his caretaker. and BOOM my wish came true.

So the moral of the story is.. we may wish our loved ones were still physically here and around but what we should do is really appreciate what we had with them when they were and cherish their memories.

art!

So I was laying in bed last night thinking.. I can't wait to get up tomorrow and do more art! What?! yes I said it! I couldn't wait to get up. Normally sleep was my favorite time of the day.

 I have become addicted to art making. You have no idea. Its far better than some other things I've been addicted to, right?! This next statement needs a line all to itself:

I haven't watched TV in a very long while.

That alone is amazing. I've decided I could careless what's on the TV. When hubby gets home he puts the news on and I usually pay mind to it in the background. I suppose knowing what's happening in th world is a good notion.

 So thanks to my birthday gifts from friends and family I was about to obtain everything I need for my Suzi Blu work shop and much much more for things like art journaling.
Sure I look at it all and think do I have enough time for all of this or furthermore do I have enough knowledge of how to use all of this.

And then I am reminded of how my brother taught himself how to do art. And that inspires me. Maybe I'll get a book at the library. I use to have a ton of how to art books and donated them to the Massapequa Library . dummy.

There's so much I want and need to learn. The basics, line, form, shading, shadows, blending, color mixing, etc. etc. etc.

I think I will just use my free time doing art. who needs tv anyways. I can always listen to music while I Create. Good thing I can do that. I can't read and listen.

consistency

So I was taking some medicine last night and my husband said to me- so have you been taking that every day now? I said yes, yes I have. (it's Miralax). He said oh you won't be doing that forever. You lake consistency. First reaction- f-u. second reaction - damn he's right.
So he hit the nail on the head of exactly one of my defects. I start things that are so good/beneficial for me and then I don't stick by them.
Meaningful Beauty
Rosetta Stone
Gratitude Journals
reading in general
taking baths
art work
anything routine based
diet based routines
exercise

You name it. .I start it and never follow through with it. Caitlin had an inkling that my blog might help me accept hearing the truth and accepting it. I find the truth very hard to swallow. So when Ruben pointed out the fact that I am inconsistent it kinda hurt. He is very on point.

It's a wish of mine to remove this defect and follow through with goals I want to accomplish. It's never too late. And all those things I failed at that I listed above.. why not try again??

how to or not spend ones' birthday

Hi all! Well today I am a year older. YAAY! I love my birthday. I think for some reason all the festivities that surround the day excite me. I confess, its the one day where it is ALL about ME! and that's probably the psychology behind it. I think we all deserve 1 day out of the year to be honored and spoiled.

The program I am a part of has taught me to honor others and provide service to others. Think less and less about yourself. That's major for me. I know that one of my character defects growing up and still has been very self-centered. I need to think less about Erin and more about everyone else. Whether it is during a conversation of its at Christmas giving.

Its not about me anymore; its about what can I do for others?

 I was thinking about it.. I have changed my cleaning day to Thursdays. And I need my Friday's off. I though this week- how shitty I have to clean the house on my birthday. But then I gave it more thought. It's really just another day. I'm not some primadonna princess that can't lift a finger. I have dinner with Dad to look forward to and some other things here and there. So quitcha bitchin and do it!  BTW skipping or switching a day wont fly. lol.

And finally I must say a huge THANK YOU to my Mom and Dad for creating me. You are the reason I am here on this Earth. Thank you and I love you sooo much!