spending money

Tis the season to shop until you drop. ugg. It's so nice to see a family member or friend's face when they open a gift from you.. but you end up spending a fortune on everybody. This year we have 13 people to shop for for Christmas gifts and 6 December babies for birthday gifts. All in total equals mega bucks. Now I'm not totally selfish but I always shop in the stores and think- hmmm that looks nice , or I want that. sometimes I buy the stuff I see for me.

Part of my illness is that when I am in a super good mood I tend to spend spend spend. And sometimes when I'm in a bad mood I spend to feel better. its like a vicious circle. I bought several things in November and December that I definitely DON'T need!!

Sure some say well Erin you deserve it. Do I? really? A designer brand wallet over 150? A set of shower gels for 75? and day planner for an amount im not even going to share. Some choices are poor. I returned clothes I bought online. They were nice but not worth the money. So that's how I rationalized the day planner. because I returned the clothes then I can afford the planner.

I really should donate more things. But a good friend of mine told me I deserve everything God blesses me with. So I will continue to do what I do daily and thank God for everything. all day I do this and it really helps!!

Sisters

There's nothing like the relationship with a sister. I was reminded of this yesterday. My family and I got together for a lobster bake! Well, I never cracked a lobster on my own and had no idea what to do. My sister was nice to work on my whole lobster before she even touched hers. This may seem like no big deal but to me I thought .. how considerate! She is a mom and moms eat last but as a sister that was just so nice of her. She is always doing things to help me out.

My sister and I had a pretty bad relationship while we were children. Predominately my fault. I didn't want a sister and when I was four.. I got one. They were twins, her and my brother. My brother was perfectly acceptable as he wasn't 'replacing' me. I really thought my mom wanted another girl because I wasn't good enough. true story. So,.. I didn't make a relationship with her. Everything she did or liked (for example: Backstreet boys) I made fun of her for it. I teased her about her weight and basically ignored her. I am NOT proud of this AT ALL. in fact I now realize how much I missed out on.

Jealousy jealousy jealousy! Oh my God. I compared myself to her in every way possible.  I still do at times. I'm not going to list what I was jealous of because I feel that is very personal. I feel like her best friends are her sisters and they are closer with her than I ever was.



It wasn't until a few years ago that I started to have an actually relationship with her and dare I call it a friendship!!!! She has always been there for me. But it hasn't been since the last 5-6 years for me to recognize that.

I planned her bachelorette. I was so upset that the games about how you know the couple's history were answers I had no clue from. I really missed out so much of her life. Usually sisters know everything about each other. Well at least in my opinion. I went away to college and that REALLY distanced us.

Overall I now have a great relationship with her. She sets an example for me in regards to relaxing and not worrying so much. I wish I had that trait naturally. She seemingly doesn't worry much at all. She is someone I can go to for advice that I welcome. When I was sick she was the first person I called in time of panic.. she was so good with bringing me to a relaxed state. I love you sis with all my heart. I would do anything for you in a heartbeat. I look forward to growing even closer with you. Which I feel is possible with any relationship.

What I love about my sister:

her carefree spirit

helps me see that everything is OK no matter what

fabulous mother

loyal and devoted wife

super talented at her career

always willing to try new things

goes with the flow

beautiful



Today's drink: Soy chia tea