music as an escape

There are plenty of times in our days where we just need to unwind or distract ourselves. For example: when I am driving I like to have music on not as a distraction but as an enhancer. When I am 'working' I also like music because it adds a certain ambiance to the situation. In the shower music is a nice addition. Necessary? no. But music cheers you up or reminds you of things. Those 'things' can be good memories or bad memories but none the less the music evoked them.

since I was a young girl- 3 or 4 ish, MTV came out. My mom says I was glued to the TV watching it. My first cassettes were Madonna- Like a Virgin and Cindy Lauper. I've always had 'favorites' I've always had genres that I liked. And these favorites have always evolved with me as I've aged and matured. I still cannot understand people whom don't have favorite or don't own cds of bands or artists. They would prefer just turning the radio on and listening to whatever is there. Don't get me wrong! they still obviously like music. I don't think I know 1 person whom doesn't like music.

sometimes we like music based on who we socialize with. At least this goes for saying when we were younger. when you are in a group that group tends to have a certain style and that style a certain music. Ive circled through so many genres of music in my life. Now I am back peddling. I am re-exploring my high school music which was mostly alternative rock. Towards the end of high school it was hip hop and rap. But I think those days are long gone.
I am always exploring, I love learning lyrics and now that the music videos are few and far between we have to must listen and imagine.

Music Therapy:
Research has shown that music has a profound effect on your body and psyche. In fact, there’s a growing field of health care known as music therapy, which uses music to heal. Those who practice music therapy are finding a benefit in using music to help cancer patients, children with ADD, and others, and even hospitals are beginning to use music and music therapy to help with pain management, to help ward off depression, to promote movement, to calm patients, to ease muscle tension, and for many other benefits that music and music therapy can bring. This is not surprising, as music affects the body and mind in many powerful ways.

being grateful/ grattitude

There is sooo much I have in this life that I am truly grateful for. Whether it be my family, friends or fellowship. I also have more material objects than I could ever imagine. I look at these things daily and think to myself, OMG why do you have so many belongings and further more why do you continue to obtain more? I have everything a girl could possibly need and more. Yet I go to the mall and find more things? WTF? Maybe when I go shopping if I feel the need to buy things it should be for other people?? Just to switch topics here.. I have a major addiction to shopping. Shopaholic here. I love browsing, searching, picking things out, buying, taking home, removing the tags and putting the things away. It is a true addiction I believe. But I never buy expensive stuff so hubby doesn't really have much to worry about. Its not like im buying jewelry that breaks the bank.  So back to the topic of gratitude. When you are thankful for what you have more comes your way. And it rubs off on others. I say my prayers and include everything I am thankful for in them. But now I am going to start a journal of all things I am grateful for. I encourage everyone to do the same. God carries me through the day and for that I am grateful and if that is the only thing on my list- that is all I need. God bless all. thanks for reading

Backbone

I was never one to have a backbone. And people loved to point that out to me. Whether it be family, friends or complete strangers. And from a young age.. talking like 3rd grade and that vicinity. I really didn't even know what having a backbone meant.
I was always shy, very very shy. I could never just go up to a stranger and ask for something. In school my shyness got interpreted as being a snob. They all thought that I thought I was too good for them therefore I didn't talk to anyone. So not the case. I didn't know how to communicate. I didn't know how to start a conversation or how to keep one. And years later that's where alcohol came into play. It helped me when I was a lot older (like the last 2 years of high school) older to be able to socialize with my peers.

But at undergrad I did: I think that I had come out of my shell my freshman year at college. I had a large circle of friends and I was able to juggle between school and social life. oh my we drank so much. and my last year .. what a confidence boost. So many friends instead of the first 3 years where I had just a few. Both ways: a few friend party all the time and a ton of friends party all the time , alcohol was part of the picture. I was slowly gaining confidence in myself .. if this is making any sense. before I needed alcohol to socialize..
Now I don't need booze to have fun or party. But as far as speaking up for myself I am a totally new person. I will ultimately ask for anything I need. I have the mentality that it doesn't hurt to ask.

I hate conflict, I hate having to approach somebody and tell them they hurt or bothered me. But if I don't then I have let them walk over me, hence having a no back bone. I just practiced this last night. I had to approach hubby with something he said that bothered me and I really wanted to just avoid it but I HAD TO DO IT! and I did, it went well and now he will know better for the next time that I don't tolereate that behavior.

So I guess the theme is backbone to have or not! I guess you can grow one with time like me!

I'm BACK!!

Hi everyone! thanks for stopping by to read my blog. I haven't been blogging for a long time. I just stopped because I was going to Starbucks to do it and it got quite expensive and fattening! I didn't really want to do this from home, I thought it killed the purpose. Purpose being to get out of bed and out of the house; around other people and awake. But a great thing has occurred lately.... I have been able to get up while its still dark out!! This is major, major, major. I have always hated the fact that my body requires more sleep then it use to. I always prided myself on being a morning person. So to sleep past 9 am, especially since I would go to bed at 9 pm.. I use to feel horrible about it. It's a known fact that I beat myself up over everything but now I'm just tickled that I can get up earlier that Ruben even!!
So what am I doing now that I get up earlier??
Working on my latest project. Fine-tuning and revamping my iTunes Library. I weeded it out basically. I got rid of all the crap I don't listen. edited playlists. Added playlists and music.
So I am working on learning new music. It's great and all that I had/have an obsession with Hair Metal/Metal in general. But its been years and years. Time for a change. I'm bored with it. So I decided maybe a year ago to get into Chris Cornell's music. Not because I'm attracted to him, quite the contrary. No but because he is damn good. And I never acted on the desire. I just didn't wanna buy his cds along with Soundgarden and Audioslave. So finally I bit the bullet and decided to acquire all their music!! but then it turned into a desire for all things alternative from that era.. IF you know me you know I get obsessive and compulsive.. so I started to list all the bands from that era/genre and furthermore all their albums. so then I had to have it all. Luckily I have an amazing friend, Dave, whom was able to burn CDs for me!!! He ROCKS! oh and the guy that works at FYE randomly offered to burn a few for me too??! awesome! 
So now comes the fun/best part... learning all the music. Its my favorite part. I did it with: Guns, Whitesnake, skid row, Montley Crue, ZZ, Cars, Metallica, Pantera, etc, ETc, ETC,

so I can do it with this music!

Oh and don't get me wrong, my friend Melinda pointed out about Axl.. I will still be his number 1 fan..

phobia

So for my whole life I have had a phobia of dogs. I was surrounded in my childhood sandbox by 2 large, scary dogs. That was enough to set me up with a fear of dogs for life.

Ah hah--- life?!
so I started years ago watching the Dog Whisperer. It really opened my eyes to see that dogs have illness, faults and good nature deep down they don't want to hurt any human. The more I watched the more I got better being around them.

I have been able within the last 2 year to actually pet dogs. They can smell fear so I try to be brave when close by.
So I decided recently that I want a dog at home as a companion. everyone is shocked especially my husband and mom.
I have one major concern... how does one train a dog?? especially to go to the bathroom?
I'd get one in a heart beat if it weren't for that issue.

ruben found some beagles and puggles for sale. but they are baby baby age. so that's going to be very hard.

oh well. I guess there's no rush.

consistency

I am striving for consistency, structure and -- the dreaded -- perfection! I have several tasks and check off list items that I want to do daily. Like this blog. For some reason I can't quite figure out, I haven't been successful in the consistency department. I know perfection doesn't exist and the terms are different for everyone. Which further more proves there's no such thing.
daily items that would make Erin better:
skin care routine morning /night
drink a gallon of water every day
read 1 time daily
art making for at least 30 mins daily
cardio daily

I am getting a really creative day planner. I don't like the iphone one. Id prefer a paper format. I plan to follow Suzi Blu (YouTube vlogger) as she decorates and organzes her. I am praying it helps me stick to my goals and desired schedule. if not it will be a waste of money and effort. I guess its close to that time already. The time of making resolutions. Maybe mine will be to set goals but not beat myself up if I don't meet them?!!

spending money

Tis the season to shop until you drop. ugg. It's so nice to see a family member or friend's face when they open a gift from you.. but you end up spending a fortune on everybody. This year we have 13 people to shop for for Christmas gifts and 6 December babies for birthday gifts. All in total equals mega bucks. Now I'm not totally selfish but I always shop in the stores and think- hmmm that looks nice , or I want that. sometimes I buy the stuff I see for me.

Part of my illness is that when I am in a super good mood I tend to spend spend spend. And sometimes when I'm in a bad mood I spend to feel better. its like a vicious circle. I bought several things in November and December that I definitely DON'T need!!

Sure some say well Erin you deserve it. Do I? really? A designer brand wallet over 150? A set of shower gels for 75? and day planner for an amount im not even going to share. Some choices are poor. I returned clothes I bought online. They were nice but not worth the money. So that's how I rationalized the day planner. because I returned the clothes then I can afford the planner.

I really should donate more things. But a good friend of mine told me I deserve everything God blesses me with. So I will continue to do what I do daily and thank God for everything. all day I do this and it really helps!!