Missing my grandfather

So Pepere  (grandpa in French) has been on my mind a lot lately. He meant the world to me. I actually had the opportunity to care for him on a daily basis. Towards the end of his life he developed dementia. It was pretty serious. I've seen even worse when I worked at the nursing home. He was always repeating the same question over and over again. He never knew what he was 'suppose' to be doing and would ask.. is this what I should be doing? Luckily as I believe it I have extreme patience.

I would help him get on the bus that transports seniors to the senior center. Pepere prior to my care had been driving to the senior center by himself at age 93!! they would often find him in his car early AM sleeping in it. we struggled to figure out how to get him to stop driving. He was so adamant about driving. He use to say.. I thank God every day for letting me get around the way I do. Meaning driving. finally one night he actually left his house and drove to we think the senior center but he got lost. He drove to several towns away and actually pulled over to a cop on the side of the road to ask him for directions. Long story short the cop knew he was demented and revoked his license right then and there. The neighbors noticed him leave and called my mom. she was able to go to the scene because the cop called her. her name was in his wallet. she was so relieved he revoked the license.

Anyways. I loved taking care of Pepere. There were afternoons when I would watch tv while he sat in the porch. I regret that but some people say.. you couldn't be on top of him 24/7. I remember taking him out for ice cream at Friendly's one day and that was awesome.

overall I was able to help my grandfather in his final years. He ended up in a home because he got sick and falling. he stopped eating at the nursing home and eventually died. 

I gave the eulogy at his funeral and I am so proud of that. I know he is watching over me right now. Love you pepere!

Today's drink: Smores frappuchino

value the moments that make memories

As I'm driving to go meet with my Grandfather today, someone whom I take care of daily as his aide, I get a phone call from my mother. She is crying and states, He passed. I freak out. What are you serious, how do you know?? she quickly realizes that I forgot her great friend was in the hospital and in a coma and that she was talking about him. I thought she was referring to my grandfather. Although I was sad by his death, it was a relief that my grandfather was alive.
This man was a great dear friend to my mother. She valued his friendship far more than anyone I have known her be friend's with. She talked so kindly of him; a lot better than that of her ex-husband, my father. He was very, very ill since she's known him. He is definitely at peace now and this has been a blessing for him.

When I arrived at my grandfather's I felt myself embracing him in a hug far more passionately then I might have the day before and the day before that. I had patience for his repeat of the same questions and I was proud of him for getting ready for going out on dial-a-ride to have lunch at the senior center.

To get him to learn his bus driver's name I have associated it with a song- Michelle My Belle. Since my grandfather aka Pepere is french, he knows this song well. We sang it together several times today. Although not only does he know all the words, he pronounces all the french so perfectly. I'll never forget this memory of us walking down his driveway after leaving the bus and him saying "what a nice driver, what's her name again?". Me- "Michelle, my belle". and Pepere- starts singing the complete song twice!!

I stayed with him far longer than I normally would. I tell him I will leave and he asks me to stay. I can't resist. I have no other obligation.

When I get home I am approached by my 6 mo old kitten, Twixie and her cute little face delights me. (she's intently staring at the computer screen right now as the words appear.)

I immediately go into my art space and make a mandala in memory of Richard.

My goal of quitting smoking has been on track and today marks one full week without a smoke. I started a new habit today. I plan to get addicted to drinking water. hahahaha.sounds healthier, right?!